Synaesthesia in itself is pretty common, it is reckoned around 1 in 10 people have one of the basic types. It isnt autism, but it is one of the traits listed as being on the Spectrum and some auteurs have it.

The word means literally blending of the senses. Ask any musician why they play an instrument; it is probably because they 'feel the music'. Well music is a sound, sound is vibration and we all feel the physical presence of a large, deep sound. Thats not it... Likewise most people can generate emotional responses to sounds and be happier or sadder, thats not it either. But some are able to generate sensations, colours or visions, and occasionally even smells and tastes from sounds.

These are the common types, others include seeing numbers or words in colour - grapheme responses - and the rarer types include blending of the other senses in unusual ways, and involving several or all senses at once.

One type that is mentioned is what I have, Projection Synaesthesia. It's said to be rare, rare enough that an example of a living person with it isnt mentioned. There are many artists, musicians, authors, film-makers listed as having the other types, but not one has Projection.

Believe me, I've looked.

I'm able to create a vision of something I'd like to make, highly detailed, that hangs in front of me like a hologram and use that as a reference for building it. It can be a physical object; AIME no longer exists thanks to our government's barbarous treatment of disabled people and their carers. I also lost the family home my kids grew up in and a bunch of things and people I'd rather not as well. Nuff said really, or I'll use bad language....

However, I have a mental map of AIME and her parts down to the last nut and bolt as well as her mental architecture in my head. I rarely plan anything beyond noting physical dimensions on rough sketches prior to building, and it is the same for all the things I've made. My memory is truly photographic in this respect, and the detailed structure of a program is no exception. Code is of all the things I see, the most beautiful though. It is almost crystalline, always in motion, and somehow fern-like in how it unfolds. All I have to do is describe it to the computer, in whichever language is most appropriate.

I'm on here trying to find another like me, among other reasons. I'm alone, but for my daughter who also has a rare condition. I'll write about that too, in another page.

I kind of gave up looking for a woman like me when I realised what a total nerd I am, and have learned to deal with loneliness without it killing me. But I am left with a void I cant fill with all the art, music or computer code in the world.

Believe me, Ive tried.

Psalm For The Insane

The things that all the faces say
had never mattered anyway
A saint of patience for today
he's never known another way

To live a hundred million years
build mountains out of hopes and fears
collect an ocean up of tears
he did it for you all my dears

From life in an abysmal Stench
enslaved in some Abyssal Trench
Torn free with an almighty wrench
Born free today on this park bench

A light that burns the brightest star
A voice that beckons from afar
Through blackest hole and space bizarre
to gaze on beauty without par

So try and try, try yet again
string broken letters in a chain
and utter to unknown refrain
a Psalm for the Insane

-Jez Boxall